You finally lulled the baby to sleep. You sneak out like a ninja and try to put a dent in the housework you’ve been attempting to complete all day. You rinse the dinner dishes and load them into the
dishwasher. You pick up the baby items that have suddenly swooped in and taken over your home: a package of baby wipes on the coffee table, a tiny, useless baby sock lodged between the couch cushions (are there any that will stay on?!), the breast pump parts that desperately need to be sterilized.
You check on the baby once more before you hop in the shower for a few minutes, peeking your head out every couple of seconds because you think you hear her crying. She isn’t, of course. Your mind is running wild with all the things you didn’t accomplish today. You make a mental to-do list of everything you must get done tomorrow.
You beat your last all-time-low shower record by ten seconds. Congratulations! You tip-toe to the bedroom, slip on some cozy pajamas, and climb sleepily into bed…where your partner is waiting.
Oh, right. There’s that wonderful person I started a family with, the one I loved and adored long before we had a child together. I’m just so tired, I’m not in the mood…and my partner just doesn’t understand. I want to feel sexy. Where did our spark go? How can we get it back?
First of all, please know that this is normal. There are so many reasons for a drop in libido after giving birth, from the unseen (hello, hormones!) to the completely obvious, like sleep deprivation or the tiny infant that’s been attached to you all day long. If you’re looking for ways to get your groove back, here are some ideas on spicing things up and bringing sexy back to your relationship!
- Get some sleep! Ask your partner, a grandparent or friend, or hire a postpartum doula to come spend some time with your baby while you sleep. Getting some guilt-free rest can revitalize you and might make all the difference in how you feel when you’re with your partner later.
- Do something that makes you feel sexy. Throw some red lipstick on first thing in the morning. Flat-iron or curl your hair. Shave your legs. Take a bubble bath while the baby naps. Listen to some R&B. Splurge on a new, non-maternity outfit. Whatever boosts your confidence and makes you feel like a million bucks, do that. You might be surprised what a little self-care can do for the mood.
- Foreplay and lube. Whoa Linds, way to just put that out there! I know, I’m blushing too, but here’s the thing: if you’re breastfeeding, your body is producing hormones that help with milk production. These hormones want to sustain the little baby you’re nourishing, and in doing so, they also help prevent pregnancy. One of the ways they do this is by making you not want to have sex, which means little natural lubrication. Isn’t biology awesome? However, this also means you’ll probably need plenty of attention and support getting in the mood. Remind your partner to take it slow (or send them here, I’ll tell ’em!) with plenty of foreplay and lubricant before doing the deed. Even if you aren’t breastfeeding, you might be on a hormonal
contraceptive to prevent pregnancy, which brings us back to all the lovely side effects of these hormones.
- Exercise and eat well. If you’ve been given the go-ahead from your doctor to resume sexual activity, you’ve probably also gotten the green light to start lightly exercising again. Walking and yoga are some great, simple ways to get back into exercising that also produce those euphoric endorphins! You can take your baby for walks in a carrier or stroller, or invite someone over to watch your little one while you and your partner exercise together. Working out and eating well boost your energy, and doing so together can improve your connection with your partner.
Here at Placerville Doula, we understand that pregnancy, birth, and the transition of bringing a new baby into your home can be challenging. We’re here to support you every step of the way. Contact us today to find out more about doula services.